I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
