i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
