We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
