Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I lost the right to judge tonight
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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