Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
