birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
