Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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