i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
