sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
