I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
