we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
