we're blogging at a bar
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
