wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
