I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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