my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
