I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
