hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
