I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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