Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
