WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
