went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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