You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
