Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
