i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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