I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
