So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
