Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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