how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
