Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need a beard to bite.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
