please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
