You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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