What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
