Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
