His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
