I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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