i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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