I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
