I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
