we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
