Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
