I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
