The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
