theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
