I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
