arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
