put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
