This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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