billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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