I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
