All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
