So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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