There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
