If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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