do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the day after is always just damage control
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
