Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
