It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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